I’ve been sluggish lately. Not in the physical sense, because I’ve been working out daily and I feel great. I’ve even been running intervals, which for me is huge because I detest running. But the sluggishness is in my mind; my mind has been sluggish. It’s been a good couple of weeks since I opened up one of my digital files to do any sort of editing or rewriting on my books. And it’s been months since I’ve written anything new (excluding these blog entries).
This sluggishness has allowed me plenty of time to just sit around and wonder why I am so unmotivated. I’ve rearranged my living room furniture three times in the past three weeks. That’s not the creative burst for which I was hoping.
I’m not really sure how I got to this point. I’ve been on sabbatical for two years now, and this is the least productive I’ve been (excluding teaching three courses at the college). Even when I first found myself at home, I was more motivated than I am now. Heck, I wrote a book in three months. And then I wrote another one. And then another one. And now – nothing. Pfffffhhht.
It’s this lack of writing motivation that’s eating away at me and causing me to clench my teeth at night. I can’t figure out why I’m here in this spot now after all this time. I’ve had two years of great times, inspirational ideas and locations, and a thousand pages written. Shouldn’t I be more motivated now? But today – zero pages.
Of course, looking out my office window at my neighbor’s open garage door where I can count his one vehicle, two dirt bikes, one big brown garbage bin, one blue recycling bin, a basketball, two snow shovels, a very neatly swept floor and a workbench with accurately aligned tools, doesn’t do much for me. I am aware of the school bus and postal delivery schedules. Relevant information for no one I know and no motivation in the least.
I’m patiently waiting for that elusive pop of inspiration – maybe a whimsical night out or a tragic headline out of the newspaper – to shock me out of this funk and back into my groove. In the meantime, maybe I’ll embrace the sluggishness, read another fluff mystery book and take an extra nap. This could be a positive. After all, it’s a rare day when you can get ahead in sleep.
**** Side note of irony. The WordPress quote for the day is: Every writer I know has trouble writing. – Joseph Heller ***